My story: from fear to freedom

Prudence Awinja shares a deeply personal season when fear began to make her decisions, including which jobs she applied for, and how she found her way back to freedom.

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Content note: this story talks about fear, anxiety and spiritual experiences. If anxiety is affecting your daily life, please also reach out to a qualified professional. Seeking support is a wise and brave step.

When fear arrived

It all began in December 2025, after I visited a relative. When I returned home, something changed. I began experiencing chills throughout my body and an overwhelming sense of fear that I could not explain.

At first, I tried to dismiss it. But the fear intensified.

I could no longer function normally. I struggled to sleep with the lights off. I began showering with the bathroom door open because I was afraid of being alone. Eventually, I moved out of my matrimonial bed because I was experiencing what I perceived as constant attacks during the night.

My infant would suddenly scream and appear frightened by things I could not see. I heard cracking sounds from the bed when no one was in the room. Bulbs appeared to switch on and off unexpectedly.

I was terrified. And then a thought took root in my mind: I have been bewitched.

This was not a completely foreign idea to me. Where I come from, particularly within the rural setting and the cultural environment I was raised in, beliefs about witchcraft and spiritual attacks are deeply embedded in many communities. I became convinced that someone had done something to me.

A deeper layer

But there was another layer to what was happening.

Just before this began, I had attended my late mother's dowry ceremony. It was a significant moment in my life, not simply because of the ceremony itself, but because it marked the culmination of a journey towards reconciliation with my father.

My father had only recently come into my life, and he wanted to make things right. I wanted that too. For almost thirty years, there had been pain, absence, questions and bitterness surrounding our relationship. Having given my life to Christ, I believed reconciliation was the right thing to pursue.

Scripture had already challenged me in this area: "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 'Honor your father and mother' (which is the first commandment with a promise) 'so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.'" (Ephesians 6:1-3)

I believed that reconciling with my father and bringing an end to decades of bitterness was an act of obedience to God. But when fear entered my life, I began questioning everything.

Was this happening because I had chosen to forgive my father? Was my late mother displeased with the reconciliation? Had I opened a spiritual door by making peace with my father? What was actually happening to me?

I did not have the answers. What I did have was fear. And fear began interpreting everything for me.

How I allowed fear to operate in my life

Fear gradually took control of my decisions.

• I stopped answering calls. People who called simply to check on me were cut off.
• I withdrew from close relatives and eventually from much of my family.
• I stopped applying to certain companies because I was afraid that people there could somehow steal my destiny.
• I cut contact with former colleagues.
• I deleted some of my social media accounts.
• I neglected my marriage.
• At one point, I discarded my children's toys because I believed they had been contaminated.

Fear had given me an explanation for everything. What began as fear eventually became a framework through which I interpreted almost everything around me.

And that is one of the most dangerous things about fear: it does not simply make you afraid. It can begin to interpret reality for you.

When spiritual hunger met fear

At the time, I was still relatively new in my walk with Christ. I had spiritual hunger, but I did not yet have the depth of understanding to properly interpret everything I was experiencing. My sensitivity became entangled with fear.

Instead of allowing Scripture to interpret my experiences, I began allowing my experiences to interpret Scripture. I became fascinated with content that focused heavily on darkness and spiritual attacks. I thought I was learning how to fight. In reality, I was feeding my fear.

The more I consumed, the more I saw. The more I saw, the more afraid I became. And the more afraid I became, the more I searched. It became a cycle.

When fear became my master

I lived under a suffocating cloud of fear, and it led me into chronic self-sabotage. In desperation, I turned to physical objects and rituals for a sense of protection. I splashed salt around my house. I burned incense. I slept with the lights on. I played music through the night because silence made me afraid.

These things gave me temporary reassurance, but they could not address what was happening in my heart. I was looking for security in things that could never become my source of security.

Eventually, Scripture began confronting this pattern: "See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the elemental spiritual forces of this world rather than on Christ." (Colossians 2:8)

I had to ask myself: was I trusting Christ, or was I placing my confidence in objects, rituals and formulas? The answer was uncomfortable. I had become more conscious of darkness than I was of Christ.

Learning to trust the finished work of Christ

My security was not in salt. It was not in incense. It was not in music playing through the night. It was not in leaving the lights on. It was not in my ability to identify every spiritual sensation.

My security was in Christ.

I did not need to become obsessed with darkness in order to walk in the light. I needed to know Christ. My confidence could not be in the perfection of my words, the intensity of my fasting, or my ability to perform spiritual warfare correctly. Fasting is valuable. Prayer is powerful. The Word of God is living and active. But none of these are magical formulas. Our victory is not secured by performing Christianity perfectly. It is secured by Christ.

When human effort failed

Eventually, I reached a point where I could no longer rescue myself. I had tried researching, rituals, objects, controlling my environment, avoiding people and understanding every experience. None of it gave me lasting freedom.

Then I began to understand the simplicity and power of the Gospel again. "The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; He delivers them from all their troubles." (Psalm 34:17)

Step by step, the beliefs that fear had built in my mind were dismantled. I learnt to distinguish between what I was experiencing and what God's Word actually said. My attention moved from the power of darkness to the authority of Christ.

The goal was no longer to identify every possible attack. The goal was to become so grounded in Christ that fear no longer dictated how I lived.

That was the beginning of my journey from fear to freedom.

To the woman reading this

Fear once decided which jobs I would apply for. If fear is making your decisions about work, about people, or about your next step, you are not alone, and it does not have to have the final word. Take the next small step, and reach out for support when you need it.

Prudence Awinja
Founder, GraceWorks